One is never satisfied

Studying into the wee hours, trying extremely hard to cram in last minute information, i toyed around with the possibility of applying for an internship somewhere. I randomly applied for one, with no intentions because i thought, "nah, no one's gonna call me up anyway". Casting my books aside, i switched on my laptop and as i was blog-hopping, i decided to apply for an internship via online application.

That was more than a month ago.

Two and a half weeks ago, the lady called me - saying they received my application and that they are willing to give me a chance. However, she stressed that it is a very competitive thing and they are certainly going to put second and third year students ahead of me. She was trying to sound hopeful, but deep down, i know i wouldn't get it. Surprisingly, she called me on monday again - confirming that they are, indeed, giving me the chance to be a part of the team.

Unlike most people, i sort of felt..... unhappy. Was i unhappy? Or was i stressed? Maybe i was scared? Why am i feeling this way, when i actually secured myself an offer from PricewaterhouseCoopers? After all, this, i'm telling you, is one of the big four companies in the world (in terms of this industry) - and i can only imagine how coveted this internship is to many people.

Maybe it is because i'm a pessimist. I'm a downright skeptic. I never view things from the positive light (something i must've damn right inherited from my paternal grandma - ugh), i always expect for the worst so that i can prepare myself to handle the outcome, i never have an inch of confidence and i think too far ahead/too much.

Everyone has been telling me that this will be an experience - an experience that will be filled with fun and joy. How am i to believe that when all i'm thinking about is 'what will i do?', 'can i do it?', 'how am i going to mix with the people and be friendly?', 'what if i do things wrongly?', 'what if i don't know how to do it?', 'what if people hate me?', 'how will things be?' all day and night?

I know that this will greatly benefit me in the future. However, the thoughts of entering the working world scares the fuck out of me. So much for my holiday - this is going to take two months and by the time i complete, it'll be time for me to go back to melbourne. Do i have what it takes to do it? Can i handle it? Will i survive?

This, i say, is the very nature of a mortal. One is never satisfied with one's life. One is never satisfied with what he/she has. One is never satisfied with life's rewards and keeps asking for more.

I can only hope for the best now and take things easily. I know i shouldn't be thinking so much. I have to understand that this is all the process of growing up. This is how people feel when they enter the workplace. Curiosity got the better of me this time.